It is funny how procrastination works. It seems (for me at least) that the more I think about needing to do something, the more I tend to avoid it. I have not written in 4 long months. I can hardly believe it has been that long and during that time so much has happened. Many people have asked me if I quit the blog, gave it up or just decided not to write anymore and quite honestly I have not really been able to give a real answer because I was unsure of why I was not writing, where this “writer’s block” was coming from or if I would start sharing again anytime soon. My answers are always fairly honest – I have been busy, we just moved, I am tied up with the kids and getting our lives together, by the end of the day/night I am too tired, drained and exhausted to sit down and write, etc. These are all true statements and in fact it has been a very hectic but fun few months following our move to the new house, getting Charlie settled in school only to have summer come along which meant a change in schedules, a lot of down time with the kids, weekends at the beach and more. Yet every single night I remember and remind myself that I am supposed to write, I am supposed to share, I am supposed to do more.
And that is the exact reason why I have not been writing. Feeling like I am obliged or required to sit down and share my story makes writing so much harder than it needs to be. Apparently I have learned in life that I am a big “should-er.” I so easily tell myself about all of the things that I should be doing, should have done, should want to do that I simply forget to live in the moment, let go of what I or anyone else thinks I should be doing and actually just live my life. But sometimes, I just need a break and sometimes you just need a break too.
In them midst of the craziness day to day, the kids, the work, the house, family obligations, the unexpected things that happen no matter how much we plan, just life being life I have to believe that it is okay for all of us to take a break. Checking out when you are a parent or a spouse is not really an option and for good reason but for me while I can’t check out on life (nor would I ever want to), I can choose to let a few things go for some time in order to just get back to the basics and figure out what’s next. What do I really want to say? Writing just to write, well that is so not my style and so dear friends who have asked, and emailed, and texted and called I have no deep, profound answer expect that I simply was taking a break, a mini-vacation if you will. For the blog was something I started for myself and if I could not share in a beneficial way than I thought it best to simply step back and give myself some time.
There is more to come, there always is. It has been a summer of ups and downs, of amazing outings, days on the beach and a supportive team of therapists. It has been a summer of frustration and tears and meltdowns and tantrums. It has been a summer of changes and learning for everyone in my family and it changes day by day, minute by minute in our case and I finally feel like things are calming down enough to start to share yet again.
For those of you who have reached out, I thank you – thank you for caring for checking in and for wanting to know how we are all doing over here ( I truly appreciate it). And while it has been a tiring but fun summer, I can tell you that I am looking forward to the fall and getting into a normal routine, I will certainly miss the time with my boys; watching them on the beach, seeing my baby discover sand for the first time, learning that Charlie has a major obsession with popsicles, being able to spend so much time with family and close fiends, throwing a first birthday party on the beach and so much more. But I was always the sort of person who was excited for the first day of school, for the next change, for the excitement, hope and unknown that could be around the corner and I am still that person. I am grateful for the break in writing and in general because I feel that I have much more to say now after my semi-bout of silence so here is to an awesome last few weeks of summer and sunshine and looking forward to seeing what is next….