griefWriting has not been a focus for me these last few months.  I could list all of the reasons as to why I have not been writing including a busy schedule, the kids, vacations, etc. but the truth is sometimes I believe that I do not have much to say or at least nothing to say that would be of interest to most people.  I doubt that people want to hear about some of our day to day struggles, question if people could begin to understand what a real “win” feels like in our home and mostly wonder if perhaps it would be better and more comfortable for everyone if I simply pretended that life is perfect, there are no major challenges or difficulties and that we are all just fine. The words do not seem to flow when my mind is focusing on these types of thoughts. Sometimes, however, out of nowhere something will happen that I simply cannot let go and therefore am almost forced to write in order to make sure that I don’t forget about this experience, this feeling or this moment….so here it is.   Last weekend the way that I handled a particular situation has been weighing on my mind and deep down I know why – it is because I betrayed what I know.  I did not stand true to how I feel and it has left me feeling sad, guilty and most of all fake in how I chose to show up. (more…)